Oddly, I find that writing often gets my head screwed on and my feet and my body going in the same direction. I sometimes wonder how I got to the point I am today, here in June 2016. I am a perfectionist at heart and sometimes the fact that I need to write something perfect often screws with the underlying reason why I chose to write in the first place.
This blog has been lacking writing for about half year. I was so caught up in previously laid plans and direction that I really forgot to plan this year. My successes from 2015 have just carried over into this year, misrepresenting my motion and drive. The shortest way to post it is that I was coasting.
I am in a self-assessment sort of mood, something I normally do in December of each year. However, lack of mojo motivation, energy drive, or confidence has brought me to this introspective time early it seems.
This is a blog about honesty. Some of what I am going to put here, I can honestly say I am ashamed of. Mostly because I think my reputation is opposite of what I am sharing. Nonetheless, this is real and a cathartic process that I feel like I have to put down. If only for myself.
My ugliest first. I have been in business for over ten years. I started in 2005. I have only filed taxes for 2005-2008. I owed for all of those years. I have a bill still due for 2007-2008. I have yet to file my taxes for 2009-2015. I am ashamed. You would figure that someone as crazy organized as I would have their shit together and even file early. Nope.
I think my problem started when I found out I owe and was still just struggling to pay normal life bills. Why would I feel the need to add even more to what I owe? I know not helpful especially since there are penalties and interest if I do owe. This is one of few things in life that I am not a logical thinker on. Vulcan dogma where are you?
I currently owe just over $4k in back taxes penalties and interest. I have hired a CPA and she has helped me to organize what I need to get these all filed. So step one is admitting you have a problem. Step two is finding help to fix the problem. Step three is trying really hard to not revert back to the original problem. The good news on this is that I am more organized than before and wrangling the proper documents and filling out the forms provided by my CPA to get this issue in order.
I have lost sleep over this. The main reason it is not being actively worked out is that not doing it not only has a threat of owing more money but not being able to buy my first home. As a driver of my own destiny, this seemed to be the last straw in just putting it off. I will be damned if I let it keep me out of buying and therefore saving money due to lower monthly mortgage/rent payments! The cost of housing in Denver is ridiculous!
Having to “adult”, is definitely no fun whatsoever. My plans to drive my life did not include taking a detour to throw money at my tax debt, and likely additional debts from none filed years. I have been making amazing strides to achieving my goal of getting the BuzzBus going. The short list is: I have gained financing, got it repaired, paid off (nearly) that loan, got it titled, registered, and plated. I should be celebrating the huge efforts and obstacles I have overcome. Though the detour I mentioned is keeping me from pushing to the next phase, making celebrating feel hardly worth doing. Sort of like, Yay! now you can’t really move forward due to the cash hemorrhage of the tax debt payoff. Did I mention that “adulting” was no fun? Yet, I must own up to the fact that my procrastination has come back to bite me in the ass. I have no one to blame but myself.
So I have some pretty hefty bills that I am levying on myself. They are, in brevity, laid below:
Full Amount needed to buy/break lease: $3,440.00
- $ 1,000 Minimum for Down Payment on Townhome
- $ 2,440 Lease Break Fee
- Must give 60-day notice, fee due when notice is given to make official
$ 4,205.99 Back Taxes Owed (Most likely more, crossing fingers for less)
$ 8,000 Bus Bodywork and Panting (August/September Start)
$ 150 National Training Fee (by June 30)
$ 800 Allergy Testing (Payments Available)
Grand Total: $16,595.99
I have also laid out two issues I need to get taken care of that are somewhat minor in comparison to the others. I have $150 for training fees for our National Training, that is not negotiable. I must go. The other somewhat minor thing is that I have acquired allergies, ones that break me out in hives. I have gone to the primary doctor and gotten a referral to the allergist. What is sad, is that I have to make the decision to ignore my allergies, as I cannot afford the out of pocket cost of the $800 fee. Let alone the $150 drops every 3 months to develop my tolerance to the allergen I have yet to determine. So I cross off two things that I must “table” in order to adult and get right with the IRS and stop throwing money away renting at the ridiculous amount of $1,220 rent+ $70pet rent, for a total of $1,290 per month.
The process of putting this all into words is cathartic. I would be remiss if I did not say that I am not doing this alone. I do have the help of my fiance. I sometimes forget that. However, to add more fuel to the fire, he has lost and gained, lost and gained and hates his current job. All of this within a matter of 30ish days. Putting a strain on the money ask paydays are of our normal schedule and are not lining up so well with our due dates on our bills. So in effect, we cannot save for any of that until we can take care of the minimum we need to just live at the moment. As someone who is a goal achiever, this is VERY frustrating to me. It is forcing me to be at a standstill.
Where in the hell does all of this leave me? I am not sure, save for the fact that I feel like I need to take on more income-earning efforts to make the whole process lurch forward even just an inch. I loathe treading water!